fucking hell right. 

so i think the theme of the day should be hate. It's not really that bad, but sometimes the tension builds and it comes out. but it feels really fucking nice sometimes. if that makes sense. 

so one thing pisses you off, then another, then another and you keep passing it off like it's nothing but the tension just builds. to this weird stage where you almost have too much energy and you cannot sleep. luckily mates came and the tension cleared out through heavy drinking, bike riding and ridiculous antics. 

but the tension is still there. it's an amazing feeling which is only heightened by not sleeping for like 4 days. eventually you feel like your body is constantly tense and you are going to literally implode on yourself. most people don't like this, but right now i have this concoction of not sleeping winks for 2 days, finding out news which isn't bad, but i didn't want, surly hangovers and most of all hate. It feels surprisingly incredible, a real sense of 'I don't give a fuck'. 

all in all, yes i understand. Most people wouldn't want lips going purple because they are so angry, wouldn't want rainy walks just to self wallow, uneasy tension which stops you from sleeping and most of all being happy that your angry at someone. most people don't want that and i don't want it forever either, but right now I sure as fuck do. and if you don't like it. I hate you too.

(not forever though)