Girls

So, I was thinking and i can quite convincingly say that the majority of problems i have had since the age of 14 have been as a result of girls.

of course i'm writing this now, because again i have girl problems and to emphasize the point, a girl was of course the reason behind my previous outdated post.

so, i'm all confused right. they like you, they don't, they could, they shouldn't, you should, you shouldn't, you did, they did. i mean fuck. it's all fucking useless shit in the end.

a brief history of my fucking failings.

when i was 14, i was considered highly intelligent, getting A's for most of my subjects, they would push me into those smart kids classes where they teach you advanced math and all that shit. then girls, happened. fuck i wanted a girl so bad that me being smart just fell to the side and me becoming a fucking waste of time is what happened.

even when i was 17, i had a girlfriend, but i still went to an all boys school, which meant i did pretty well at school. i good a good O.P, i could study, concentrate at school and all that shit. then i went to uni and fuck, i was a fucking waste. i just couldn't handle being in a class with girls, everything became harder and after the first year my GPA had dropped to i think 2. basically that meant i was plain fucking stupid.

when my girlfriend dumped me i was 19 and i was pretty shattered. in the end, of course it was the right thing and i'm glad she did, but since, i have only once had to break up with a girlfriend. and this is the fucked thing, that wasn't even my worst relationship. i was just a cunt and she didn't deserve that, and admittedly i am a shitty boyfriend. and in a not so round about way i get my dues and when i get what i deserve i just get my balls beaten in.

at the moment i have a newly appointed ex girlfriend. we dated and she was pretty special, but i left the country and of course we broke up. thing is, i think i've had like 4 girlfriends in 3 years, all of which we didn't break up. either i left the country or she did. like it was always something partially forced. the last girl i Even knew i was leaving and we still dated. of course now that i've left, it's hard. it's fucked. truth is i like it when i know i'm leaving or i know it will end, but now i'm starting to thing maybe there is something wrong with me.

girls, fucking girls. i don't understand them and they don't understand me. i dont' understand what they do to me to get me all fucking loserish and a bit mental. but they do. i'd like to think i don't really worry much. but the one thing that fucking spits me out is girls. always girls. fuck even this stupid post doesn't make much sense.

lets just leave it and say, if it wasn't for girls. this would have actually made sense

fucking hell right. 

so i think the theme of the day should be hate. It's not really that bad, but sometimes the tension builds and it comes out. but it feels really fucking nice sometimes. if that makes sense. 

so one thing pisses you off, then another, then another and you keep passing it off like it's nothing but the tension just builds. to this weird stage where you almost have too much energy and you cannot sleep. luckily mates came and the tension cleared out through heavy drinking, bike riding and ridiculous antics. 

but the tension is still there. it's an amazing feeling which is only heightened by not sleeping for like 4 days. eventually you feel like your body is constantly tense and you are going to literally implode on yourself. most people don't like this, but right now i have this concoction of not sleeping winks for 2 days, finding out news which isn't bad, but i didn't want, surly hangovers and most of all hate. It feels surprisingly incredible, a real sense of 'I don't give a fuck'. 

all in all, yes i understand. Most people wouldn't want lips going purple because they are so angry, wouldn't want rainy walks just to self wallow, uneasy tension which stops you from sleeping and most of all being happy that your angry at someone. most people don't want that and i don't want it forever either, but right now I sure as fuck do. and if you don't like it. I hate you too.

(not forever though)

Lousy Beer and Warm food

Good evening, 

So there is an aussie pub in Amsterdam, it's called coco's. It is hideous, but a lot of fun.

I think Andy and I may have found somewhere we are kings.

Regards, 

Jaime

Apparently you can't forget

'It's like riding a bike' Apparently once you learn you never forget which makes sense really.

So it's flat everywhere, not a single hill and the metro is full of gypsy scum which meant it was time to buy a bike. 

I bought 'Kevin' which is aptly named after Kevin Rudd, PM of Australia. 

So I spent weeks looking for a junkie, I was hanging out in the crack-den and ghettoest areas of Amsterdam hoping to score a cheap bike, minus the coke. This didn't happen so I went one step up and bought one from an American tourist who was awesome. Apparently he moved here for the weed and stayed here because of the weed. Apparently he hates the cold with a passion, but when asked he simply said, "if I have to choose between the cold and weed...man getting high makes you pretty toasty".

Anyways my bike is green with a gold lock, it was unintentionally patriotic so it made sense to me that Kevin would be an appropriate name. 

Regards, 

Jaime.

Didi, checking out my dope/ill wheels.

Kevin.

I like amsterdam.

I like the cafes that play jazz, where the keepers are old with cats and dogs who walk along the bar as patrons pet them. 

Beers are 2 euro and the girls always seem prettier, mainly because the bars are candle-lit and the girls have rosy cheeks from the cold. 

People are always in pairs, never couples but just in pairs. Enjoying quiet company. 

It's funny watching some american tourists walk in, look around, realise they won't pick up and then leave.

I like meeting pretty girls and having them take you for bike rides along the canals at 3:00am. 

I like Amsterdam and I get the feeling Amsterdam is starting to like me too. 

Regards, 

OK, 

it has been a long while since I've wacked stuff in the blog. 

Since the last entry, 

I started work. 

I went to carnevaal.

I got sick.

More photos coming soon.

Todays Special.

Pretty hands.

Friendly Smiles.

Checkered cuffs.

Bright Socks.

I started work this week at the bank. It has been pleasant as has the majority of my stay so far. Friendly faces warmed the bones and little things make all the difference.

Regards, 

Jaime.